


There is a light that never goes out

by TheBrideOfTheWind



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Murphamy Week, SPACE SQUAD, at least kind of, canonverse, it's stressful sorry, spacekru, we will get there somehow
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-29
Updated: 2018-10-29
Packaged: 2019-08-08 14:29:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16431203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheBrideOfTheWind/pseuds/TheBrideOfTheWind
Summary: A dramatic event on the Ark forces the Space Squad to work together to save one of their own.The title is from the song by the Smiths with the same name.





	There is a light that never goes out

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, it's been a while, but this is my contribution to the murphamy week prompt "breathing".

It’s cold. That's the first thing he notices once they are in space again. Not just the lack of sunlight and the pale glow of the artificial light, but also a lack of vitality, a crushing heaviness of the past lurking behind every corner, hiding in every memory. 

It‘s quiet, too, other than the slow, monotonous humming and whirring of the life support system. He’s been craving silence and safety, time to breathe again, and the steady noise lulls him into long, dreamless sleep.

Monty doesn’t take long to get the algae farm going and proudly present his first sample. It doesn't take him much longer for his first successful harvest and to produce the first soup, a brown-greenish bowl of goo that leaves all of them – including Monty himself – wrinkling their noses in disgust.

“We are supposed to eat – this?” Raven asks, bluntly and regardless of consequences, but without real bite behind it. It’s something everyone at the table is used to, and Monty doesn't even flinch, he’s always honoured her straightforwardness as much as Bellamy does.

Echo and Emori watch Monty put a ladle of the green slob in each one of their bowls, while Harper offers him an encouraging smile and Murphy is most likely savouring the moment, already a sarcastic comment on his lips.

When all of them are ready to go, Bellamy takes his spoon and fills it cautiously, yet stops in front of his mouth not able to force himself to eat. Up close, it looks just like vomit or maybe, if he squints and uses his imagination, like that mush mothers use to feed their babies.

He risks a glance at Echo next to him, who is eyeing her bowl with as much wariness as he is, putting a little bit of the soup into her spoon and watching it flow from one side to the other in slow motion. 

Monty’s still standing next to the soup tureen, looking a little forlorn and a lot less happy than before. The algae farm is his pride and joy, and it breaks Bellamy’s heart to see him like this. So he closes his eyes and thinks about the best thing he’s ever eaten – a fruit, some sweets, a piece of meat, he doesn’t remember – and brings the spoon to his mouth haltingly, as Murphy takes the choice out of his hands.

“Ah,” he exhales suddenly, his gaze finding Emori’s eyes across the table. ”I’ve never met a line I wouldn't cross.” And with that, he takes the whole bowl to his mouth and empties all of it at once, putting it back onto the table with a loud burp.

“See, it might look bad, but it's not that bad actually, nobody will–” he starts when his face turns white as a sheet, and his hands blindly search for the edge of the table to steady himself.

He coughs several times, hands now reaching for his throat, and Bellamy is already on his feet as Murphy starts to wheeze and his eyes roll into the back of his head. Bellamy catches him as he slumps to the floor, and Emori is by his side as quickly, her breath nearly as ragged as Murphy’s.

“He’s not breathing,” her voice shrills next to him, and for a moment it feels like the room takes a spin, like someone‘s pulling the rug from under his feet once again. 

“Oh God, I killed him. I was so sure...Please, don't touch any of this, please let me,” Monty babbles as he hurries to pick up all the bowls and spoons, the ladle and the tureen, and disappears into the kitchen.

While everyone else is frozen in shock, Echo is the only one keeping a clear head. Let it be her prior training or the fact that she's the one the least attached to Murphy, but Bellamy is thankful for it.

She puts her hand on his arm, making eye contact, and her calmness puts him at ease a little, her equanimity soothes his raging nerves for a second. She’s proven herself willing and helpful over the days in space, but it’s in moments like this that he’s truly glad they took her with them.

“Bring him to the infirmary. We have oxygen there, right?” Echo says, her hand lingering on his arm.

“Yes,” Raven and Harper, reply in unison, Bellamy lifting Murphy's limp body and carrying him to the infirmary, careful not to stumble over his own feet in the haste, his head still spinning inconveniently.

Harper is already there when they arrive, rifling through the cabinets and letting out a sigh of relief as she pulls out one of the oxygen bottles with the attached mask by it.

“Put him on the couch over there,” Raven gestures into the corner of the room, her eyes roaming the tablet she snatched on the way for any helpful information on treating algae poisoning.

Bellamy slowly lowers Murphy onto the couch, and Emori puts a small pillow she fetched from their shared room under his head.

The room is silent, and this time, there's nothing peaceful or secure about it, and it only adds to his tenseness.

“We have to do something,” he hears himself cry out from far, far away, his voice cracking in between words. “I can't lose anyone else!”

 _It should be me_ , is what he doesn't say, guilt washing over him in waves, drowning him, _it should be me lying over there, face pale and not able to breathe_.

His inner turmoil is only interrupted by Raven never losing a chance to lecture them: “From all the information I could gather, we have to bring back his heartbeat, meanwhile one of us gives him some mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.”

“Mouth-to-mouth?” Echo asks, furrowing her brow. 

Even now, Emori is reeling from what happened, clinging to Murphy's hand as if this could bring him back. Monty and Harper don't seem too keen on helping with this particular task either.

“Fine,” Bellamy sighs, after a beat, pushing any positive thoughts about his mouth on Murphy's mouth at the back of his head, because it's wrong and wildly inappropriate. “I’ll do it.”

The others make room for them as him and Raven step up to their unconscious friend hesitatingly. It feels like only a minute ago he laughed at their cowardice, the sound of it still echoing, and now he’s still as a ghost, and maybe not dead yet, but not alive either.

“I once saw Clarke doing this,” Raven murmurs, and the mention of their dead friend’s name sends a jolt of pain through his chest. He remembers, too, both her and Abby, their hands pressing down on Lincoln‘s lifeless body, again and again, till he opened his eyes and started breathing once more.

 _No, he can't, and he won't lose anyone else_.

He watches Raven starting to massage Murphy's chest, pushing down at the space in the middle of his torso next to his heart in a frantic rhythm. It must be the first time she does this, but it looks effortless and expertly, and he wonders if there is anything she couldn't do.

“Now, blow some air into his mouth twice,” she instructs him. And, under the prying eyes of his friends, he tilts back Murphy’s head and bends down to his lips, breathing into them once, then another time.

But nothing. Nothing at all.

Raven and he repeat the cycle two more times until both of them look at each other and shake their heads, Raven‘s arms starting to tremble from exertion.

“I’ll take over,” Echo offers, and Raven moves over before she sits down and buries her head in her hands. They repeat three more times without any other effect than the room getting more and more quiet, when Bellamy takes a step aside and punches his fist against the next-best cabinet in frustration.

“I’m sure punching things must feel very satisfying, but it won't help in this situation,” Monty calls out at him from the back of the room. He must have slipped inside while they were occupied with Murphy, sitting silently next to Harper and hoping he didn’t kill one of them. It must be hard enough, and so Bellamy just glowers at him, but steps back to Murphy's side once more.

His and Echo's eyes meet across the couch, her hands still pumping Murphy's heart relentlessly. He still is as pale as death, and without his usual smirk, he looks much younger, much more vulnerable. 

“One more time,” Bellamy grits his teeth. “One more time, and then we–,” he doesn't dare to finish the sentence, afraid of the ultimacy it is bearing.

If he did believe in any god, now would be the time to start praying. “Come on, Murphy, don’t leave me hanging like this,” he mutters under his breath instead before he exhales the last two times into Murphy's mouth.

He doesn't believe in wonders either, but he believes in hard work. And their effort is rewarded when Murphy lets out one small, shuddered breath.

“Quick,” he shouts, and Harper rushes forward to press the oxygen mask on Murphy's face, smiling as she finds a pulse again.

“Thank you,” Emori says, pulling him, Echo and Raven into a tight hug. _It’s the least I could do_ , he thinks, but again, doesn't say it out loud.

He gazes over at Murphy once more, his face having at least regained some of its colour. His eyes are closed, though, and he doesn't move, doesn't even stir.

Raven is back at the tablet and scrolling again, mumbling to herself softly, her eyes flying over the pages with the utmost concentration.

“What do we do now?” he asks, hope blooming in his chest. There has to be some cure, some medicine they could give him. He has to wake up sometime. For now, there's no other potential outcome he will accept, and he rejects the fleeting thought about what will happen if Murphy really doesn’t wake up.

“Dialysis would be an option, but we neither have the necessary equipment nor the knowledge to pull this through.”

“And now?”

“And now,” Raven says as she turns around, a look of defeat in her eyes, and his heart leaps into his throat. “And now...we wait.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I hope you liked it, despite the focus on the Space Squad in this chapter. I'm planning a second chapter to make up for it!


End file.
